Ludum Dare 37 — December 9th-11th, 2016 — Theme: One Room

Well, Mike ran in to problems getting ldjam.com working properly with about 12 hours left in the Compo, so this is the backup plan.

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This One Room

by MoonlightBomber - Jam Entry

A short comedy slice-of-life visual novel.

Story:

Renz and Mary Natalie are just two ordinary people who are trapped in a room. But this ain't a mystery escape-the-room story, mind you!

Story/UI/Programming: Moonlight Bomber
Character Art: fandicci

Downloads and Links


Ratings

Coolness100%
#213Graphics(Jam)4.02
#266Humor(Jam)3.09
#318Theme(Jam)3.80
#519Mood(Jam)3.16
#673Overall(Jam)3.02
#749Fun(Jam)2.61
#775Innovation(Jam)2.37

Comments

djfariel says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 12:55am

The name of feck.

Zeriver says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 1:18am

Whoaw, it's incredible that you made this game in 3 days! It's so polished, i mean you even have options, saves and all that stuff.

senabryer says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 1:27am

I legitimately thought that was MY stomach rumbling. Excellent art style on the characters, by the way!

jcmonkey says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 1:44am

well you lost me when you took away my imagination in the begining by saying its not this, or its not that kind of story. NEVER tell ppl what to think. let them enjoy your story and leave things up to imagination. after i read that i didnt care for the story and just clicked through to see if i could interact and try to do things, but alas it was just a click through text game. nice art and music though. :(

mmason says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 1:51am

This is an amazing take on the theme!

This isn't my usual genre of game but you've done great work. Extremely well polished and beautiful art!

Swordbrella says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 2:09am

Within all the great things about this game, it's the writing that made me love it. So great, humorous, full of character. Congrats :D

Logicon says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 2:15am

I agree with some of the stuff that jcmonkey said. Continuously reminding the reader that there is no perverted content or being misled takes you out of the story.

On the story front, it could use some work. I don't think anyone would be ok with being locked into a room for 3 days for a prank. Or why did their amnesia last that long? Were those people watching them the entire time? Why were we not explained our relationship with the girl if we had just reached a milestone.

Sometimes you took me out of a scene to tell me what the characters were eating, I don't really care.

The characters were put in a room together, and yet constantly did things where they didn't have to interact with each other. Why not have them talk more?

What about the terrorist attack?

Telling me that characters are "destined to be together" just makes me want to see them fail.

BoneDaddy says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 2:17am

Good to see more story games like this. Really was expecting the surprise to be more... well I guess it was repeated several times that it wouldn't be. Cute story. I see a lawsuit in the future though

Loyance says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 2:21am

Visual novels is a good game type to have at LD. Although the story is not so deep, I really enjoyed it and it even made me laugh in some parts.
Did not really like the UI. Bright red kills the eyes =)

Dec 13, 2016 @ 2:34am

Fun art and music!

Levin says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 2:59am

I like the story. Very ell presented. I enjoyed playing it.

juegoman says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 3:04am

Mary is cute, but the story is boring and clichéd.

Xero560 says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 3:17am

That was p Zany. I'm trying to rally together some friends to try to make something with Ren'py. How was your experience cramming a project in a weekend with it?

Dec 13, 2016 @ 3:26am

@Xero560: I try as much as possible to make a complete and coherent game with Ren'Py. There's some character art, UI tweaking, gathering of royalty-free resources, and other fine details to do, but the story is the most important part. Try finishing it first before coding the rest of the game in.

ThatGuyMiniB says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 6:11am

Haha good humor in this game!

MrEvilGuy says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 7:02am

Is this what short story writing looks like for computer scientists? I'd rather stick to a good novella, or even a graphic novel.

Gumboot says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 8:14am

I'm impressed by the amount of time you put into characters in this game-

UekiShurei says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 8:17am

Donkey singing Through the Fire and Flames and drag queens dancing to PPAP? Hoo boy!

hugofock says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 9:01am

Nice drawing and graphic, i like it :)

batmagus says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 10:15am

The backround looks beautiful, I wish the character had that much detail too. Also, I would have liked to be able to make some choices in how the story progresses.

Dec 13, 2016 @ 10:33am

im not really a fan of story games, I don't normally consider them "games" its would have been interesting to have some influence over what happened with the characters, i wasn't really entertained but im not your market.

Graphics are lovely though

ema1ih says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 10:55am

I looove the graphics, the music is great and woow the option menu is so cool, i don't know how you had time to do it, the idea is nice too :3

BlackBulletIV says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 10:58am

Very impressed by the UI, with even a full-fledged options menu. Every aspect of this is well made except for the story and gameplay; it dragged too much and the flow was hurt by the constant fourth wall breaks ("no sexual content", etc.). Also having no interaction was a shame. Fix those up and you would definitely have me interested.

jusw85 says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 1:17pm

I loved this entry! Contrary to what some other commenters felt, I liked that fact that you mentioned there was no pervy stuff in the game. It felt like those fourth-wall-breaking recurring jokes that I see sometimes in other VNs or comedies. Then it becomes a challenge to see how far you can stretch the boundary of pervy stuff with the player, without actually being pervy in the end, while working it into a joke.

nikitapash says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 4:30pm

Good humor.

rainssong says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 5:15pm

This one is QUICK

fullmontis says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 6:28pm

The ending kinda ruined it for me honestly, but I still enjoyed the writing. I wish that more happened in the story, but I can see that with only one room as a theme there is only so much you can do.

I really like the overall mood of the kinetic novel.

KaiseanGames says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 6:33pm

Is this a game? :)
Not different than those idle games. The same amount of clicking.

On the sidenote, the art part of the game is great :)

Ygogo says ...
Dec 13, 2016 @ 9:59pm

I hope to see more interactivity, tho the style and story are great!) Looking forward for more of this kind games.

TrashLord says ...
Dec 14, 2016 @ 4:40am

Nice art, sound and story! You have done a lot of work!

Tkachov says ...
Dec 14, 2016 @ 2:26pm

Nice graphics, fun story.

Not sure I really enjoy just being a watcher who clicks so story could proceed though, I think there should be some puzzles to think on or options to choose from (meaning alternative endings and such).

Dec 14, 2016 @ 3:28pm

I expected some decisions or some interaction that i can perform more than clicking the entire story. Good art.

lusternite says ...
Dec 15, 2016 @ 4:24am

Really good visual novel, not sure I liked the ending but i enjoyed the experience

Green Soda says ...
Dec 15, 2016 @ 4:51am

The character art is so well-made! I enjoyed going through the entirety of the visual novel, but I wish there was some interactions; although I understand since it's a jam, and story-wise, it's great! Great storywriting!

Pixtopher says ...
Dec 15, 2016 @ 6:45am

I wanted just a little bit of interaction form this game. It would have broken up the story nicely.

nilead says ...
Dec 15, 2016 @ 5:45pm

It's really pretty and charming but it lacks any kind of gameplay on it. If at least there were decisions or puzzles of some sort it would be cool.

bigbuggames says ...
Dec 15, 2016 @ 9:42pm

Really well polished, the art and the UX design was really great. I didn't liked the end of the history though. Overall, you did a nice job. Keep up the good work!

Dec 15, 2016 @ 11:41pm

Cute but not really a gaaaaaame and nothing that interesting about it. There's not really a conflict or plot, other than, "Hey, we're stuck in a room. Let's watch movies and do art stuff." It seems like you spent most of the time on the FANTASTIC art, but not enough on having an engaging or interactive story. It does look very official, though, like it came from a real company and not just two people making some stuff in 3 days.

terryg says ...
Dec 16, 2016 @ 3:28am

My windows 7 system isn't able to bring it up. Here is the log:
Thu Dec 15 20:27:32 2016
Windows-7-6.1.7601-SP1
Ren'Py 6.99.11.1749


Bootstrap to the start of init.init took 0.09s
Early init took 0.02s
Loader init took 0.01s
Loading error handling took 0.02s
Loading script took 0.09s
Loading persistent took 0.00s
Importing _renpysteam: ImportError('No module named _renpysteam',)
Set script version to: (6, 99, 11)
Running init code took 0.09s
Loading analysis data took 0.01s
Analyze and compile ATL took 0.00s
Index archives took 0.00s
Dump and make backups. took 0.00s
Cleaning cache took 0.00s
Making clean stores took 0.00s
DPI scale factor: 1.000000
Creating interface object took 0.03s
Cleaning stores took 0.00s
Init translation took 0.03s
Build styles took 0.01s
Load screen analysis took 0.02s
Analyze screens took 0.00s
Save screen analysis took 0.00s
Prepare screens took 0.04s
Save pyanalysis. took 0.00s
Save bytecode. took 0.00s
Running _start took 0.00s
Performance test:
Interface start took 0.01s

primary display bounds: (0, 0, 12

Dec 16, 2016 @ 5:32am

@terryg: I have a system at home running Windows 7, and it's running fine. Most likely, you have a buggy graphics card driver. You can also consult this page for more help: https://www.renpy.org/doc/html/problems.html

BubsyPoochies says ...
Dec 16, 2016 @ 1:29pm

A renpy visual novel, love these! Very well executed I must say. The art is superb (love how the room changes according to the time of the day), the music fits perfectly and the story is both intriguing and well written. A very good entry which fits perfectly the "one room" theme. Really enjoyed this one (specially since I'm a big fan of the genre :D ). Congratulations!!!

terryg says ...
Dec 16, 2016 @ 9:36pm

ok. thanks. i'll check that link out

bigpan says ...
Dec 17, 2016 @ 1:27am

Graphics are nice, but I expected more things to do other than just clicking through the story.

akai_0okami says ...
Dec 17, 2016 @ 9:53pm

Graphics were really good. Dialogue felt awkward and there wasn't much to the story. I agree with what jcmonkey and others have said about being told that its "not that kind of story".

fufi says ...
Dec 18, 2016 @ 2:42pm

Nice entry! The game is well polished. I wish I had some choices to make as a player espcially at the end where I would have kick my coworkers ass! Seriously, WTF were they thinking about?!!! ><' Anyway, good job ! ;)

Dec 19, 2016 @ 1:12pm

Hey this game was actually very nice.
Your art Style is not my favourite but I like the most parts of your Game!
I would appreciate it If you go ahead and look at my Game!

mirta000 says ...
Dec 20, 2016 @ 2:20am

amazed that saving, loading, sound settings, options, everything works! There is an amazing level of detail for a 72 hour game.

darkdaragon77 says ...
Dec 20, 2016 @ 11:27pm

This story is well written and quite some eye-candy, but it is also way to unrealistic, especially the ending. The Mood is quite relaxing and works quite well, but doesn't really fit to a trapped in a room scenario. Nevertheless you two have got quite some potential. Keep it up!

SmokeNMirrors says ...
Dec 21, 2016 @ 2:48am

Well, I got so lost in the storyline that I turned into macaroni. Cute visuals and UI though.

ISG says ...
Dec 21, 2016 @ 12:55pm

Let this win ;)

PolygonTeam says ...
Dec 21, 2016 @ 10:35pm

this game like a movie! i like it)!

Tezra says ...
Dec 22, 2016 @ 8:08am

Cute story. Reminds me of my younger days in love~

Karai17 says ...
Dec 23, 2016 @ 12:49am

That red kills my eyes, burning them away...

Also what? Hahahaha That was a strange game.

Falak says ...
Dec 24, 2016 @ 1:26pm

Visual novel without dialog options. At first I thought, "great idea! Visual novel", but then ... It's just boring. But the music and graphics and theme are perfect!

Doomdad says ...
Dec 25, 2016 @ 7:13am

Writing and art made this story very immersive for LD game.

Dec 26, 2016 @ 1:16pm

Fine entry but not much gameplay apart from clicking ^^' It's still well done though :)

pmarincak says ...
Dec 30, 2016 @ 3:26am

Good job on the art!

I find that it is hard at the beginning of the game to know who is talking. The narrator says "this girl beside me", but there is only one girl shown. Does that mean the narrator is male or female? It's unclear. I think it would be a lot better to have both sprites on the screen, with one coming a bit more forward if speaking, or darkening if not speaking. It would clear this up significantly.

As for the writing, I feel like there's no clear voice between the two characters. I figure one is a bit more genre-savvy (the narrator) but the other character is also equally so, so it's hard to differentiate.

As for the breaking the fourth wall, I feel it would've helped a lot if the narrator was on the screen, with the "present time" greyed out in the background scolding the audience.

Options in how the story would've progressed would've been great too. Give the player the option to freak out and try to exit, or to just chill out and let time pass. I feel like it doesn't feel natural that they're so laid back about the situation. I know it's brought up later, but it feels out of place.

There doesn't seem to be a focus in the writing, and a lot of excuses are used for their situation (the terrorists). Your game mood also jumps from serious to chilling out extremely quickly.

The ending was also very anticlimactic.

I feel spending a bit more time on the story, even if it's something very basic, would help a lot. And also, if you had time, to draw the narrator as well.

That all being said, great job for getting this done!

jramell says ...
Dec 30, 2016 @ 5:16am

Dialog feels weird at times, specially at the beginning. Other than that, nice entry.

doppelgunner says ...
Jan 1, 2017 @ 4:25am

Nice game! but it would be better if you allowed choices (tree dialogue) in the game so that there will be more interaction.

Darenn says ...
Jan 1, 2017 @ 6:05pm

Good idea to use renpy. This type of game fits with the theme ! :)

Jan 2, 2017 @ 12:12am

The art attracted me to this and I walked into it knowing it was visual novel by a glance... but the story just didn't do it for me.

The narrator was far too forceful that it took a lot of imagination out of it and felt a little unwelcoming, and some of the jokes felt like they were trying to hit home but missing. The characters themselves need a little work- I mean they were pretty okay about being trapped in a room, minus that one little 'oh no' moment. The overall plot felt like it was taking itself way too seriously for what it was too, and it didn't make enough sense for that to work out.

It has a lot of potential but with a visual novel writing is more important than the art, so if you don't home run with it it's a bit awkward and boring to the reader.

Loved the character design though! Pink haired lady had top fashion sense.

Jan 6, 2017 @ 6:54pm

Good start! I included it in my compilation video series of the Ludum Dare 37 games, if you’d like to take a look. :) https://youtu.be/-Y1GOAhzfQA

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