Ludum Dare 33 — August 21st-24th, 2015 — Theme: You are the Monster

Back to Browse Entries

Professor Chaos's "Mean Sardine Machine"

by Mach60KAS - Compo Entry

====== STORY ======

Lately, Professor Chaos had fallen on hard times for a super villain. Every one of his plans had been thwarted by simple second rate superheroes, including a troop of girl scouts. Where had then glory days gone? Those long lost battles and masterful plans that defined his career had all but disappeared.

And then it hit him - all this time he'd been making it too easy for them to catch him. He set about work crafting a revolutionary mind control machine - a way to implant his monstrous mind into the body of any other person and control them from afar. Better yet, he found that sowing chaos like this allowed him to harvest AWKWARD ENERGY™ for every social interaction he ruined. How could they catch the Professor if it was never him to disrupt society?

The machine's first test ended dramatically as its first tester awoke, believing herself to be a fish. A well known master of the pun arts, the vile Professor nicknamed the machine the "Mean Sardine Machine". Everyone laughed, and clapped and cheered. Everyone being, of course, Professor Chaos. Now, another test subject has been abducted, the AWKWARD ENERGY™ batteries are ready for more power, the machine is (theoretically) safer, and the Professor is ready to have a whale of a time!

Are you ready to step into the Mean Sardine Machine and ruin lives like the monster you've always wanted to be?

====== INSTRUCTIONS ======

Control with arrow keys and the Z button.

Select from various conversation paths to ruin lives while enjoying my bad writing. I hope.

====== TOOLS ======

"Art": Photoshop and Fireworks CS6
Music: pxTone
Engine: Phaser 2.4.3 RC
Editing: Sublime Text

====== SPECIAL THANKS ======

@RHY3756547 for the amazing title.
Fish, for giving me the drive I needed to finish this flipping thing.

Downloads and Links




Aug 24, 2015 @ 6:00pm

Love the music & the graphics are great, but SO much text! Cod do better, but not total pollocks ;)

RHY3756547 says ...
Aug 24, 2015 @ 6:27pm

You're FIN-ished! Absolutely hilarious. Too bad you couldn't get more art in, I'm sure the remaining bad hairstyles would have been a sight to behold. Music is fabulous.

axoona says ...
Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:02pm

This game is completely absurd! I love it :D

A_K_ says ...
Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:03pm

Cool 16-bit soundtrack on background! )

Pierrec says ...
Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:03pm

I wasn't able to figure out what were the good/bad options (I guess they were all the same) but I really DIG your graphics, and even the absence of graphics!

tayl1r says ...
Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:03pm

This is better than my haircut.

Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:05pm

Hahaha, you are such a monster making this "game"! =) Hilarious entry =)

glimaleite says ...
Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:07pm

I loved the jokes and the fish obsession haha. Good job!

kerotan24 says ...
Aug 25, 2015 @ 6:16pm

I love it. the music is great and the story is really funny (insert fish pun here)

P.T.A says ...
Aug 26, 2015 @ 4:07pm

i love this game! so much non sense and fun, love the jokes about hair, fish and llamas very very well made, good job! =D

boardtobits says ...
Aug 26, 2015 @ 10:22pm

I liked that you integrated the themes of the fish-obsession and the hairdresser into everything. Didn't feel like the choices I made would make much difference though. Just utter chaos all around.

glerikud says ...
Aug 26, 2015 @ 10:25pm

Ah yessss! Puns! More give me mooore puns!

chanko08 says ...
Aug 27, 2015 @ 1:44am

Musics and narrative were highly amusing. So many PUNS.

sprawl says ...
Aug 27, 2015 @ 1:51am

The first game that kept kraken me up until the end. Well played.

On a side note, the music was great.

sonelliot says ...
Aug 27, 2015 @ 1:55am

I enjoyed this game. Great audio and humour. I laughed out loud at the response: 'I've been 3 dwarves in a jacket this whole time'!

Ninja Garage says ...
Aug 28, 2015 @ 5:23am

I liked the music!

careless says ...
Aug 28, 2015 @ 10:59am

The music loop could have been a little longer as it drove me a little mad in the end.

Shame you didn't have time to add more artwork for the scenes.

A nice idea with completely mad story line, transitions between scenes could have been less quick, not sure how I got from the wedding at a Fish restaurant to a Presidential debate :D

It is good to see unique and quirky game with a crazy sense of humour. Well done.

Aug 28, 2015 @ 3:07pm

Great music!

Aug 28, 2015 @ 6:04pm

A lot of dialogue. I'm glad it's well-written.

Grahhhhh says ...
Aug 29, 2015 @ 12:16am

Where did I go just now? Hahaha, love super random, the fact that it was funny too was a big plus. Great art, music, all around nice job.

PowerSpark says ...
Aug 30, 2015 @ 2:50am

That was fun! I wish there was more art though.

Omiya Games says ...
Aug 30, 2015 @ 4:02am

A pretty fun visual novel, with a nice sense of humor. Could have used some branching paths, but I did appreciate the tuna puns.

chrissou says ...
Aug 30, 2015 @ 5:18pm

Funny game. more illustrations would have been great. Bride's gorgeous

wg_phancock says ...
Aug 30, 2015 @ 8:30pm

Very finny story game, laughed several times throughtrout.

Shaun LeBron says ...
Aug 31, 2015 @ 3:15am

Music was really great, liked the pixel art haircuts and characters. harvesting the forced awkwardness of a situation, I like it

Larzan says ...
Aug 31, 2015 @ 1:52pm

Great music + art. Looooots of text though. But some funny lines in it :)

Sep 3, 2015 @ 7:22am

That was hilarious! The music and writing worked really nicely. Felt like a good trippy cartoon show or a sequence from Day of the Tentacle!
Would also wish for more visual representation like pixel art adventure graphics and may be some feedback on how much AWKWARD ENERGY I'm collecting. Just for laughs. Sorry I'm just imagining this as a jam entry full of images of disbelief, fish, awkwardness and bad haircuts. ;)

Flaid says ...
Sep 7, 2015 @ 4:03pm

That was a lot of fish puns, but I think I built up an anemone to them after a whale.

terop says ...
Sep 7, 2015 @ 9:11pm

this game has lots of text in it... too much in fact.

psychonull says ...
Sep 9, 2015 @ 7:22pm

Hilarious! haha, awesome graphics, lot of text but soo funny!, the music is awesome and transitions are great!. relally good job!

LevieDAudio says ...
Sep 14, 2015 @ 4:44pm

This game made me laugh so much and, at times, so loudly! I really liked the music and how it was continuous throughout the different scenarios; it made the whole game seem so much more chaotic (for lack of a different word)!

The only issue I had with the game was that, when choosing what to say, it was hard to tell who I was speaking for. It took me a few scenarios to realize that the protagonist's portrait was speaking as the speech-controlled person in each scenario.

But yeah, I really had fun with this game! Even when without graphics, the scenarios were quick to understand and the game mechanics were very simple to get a hang of. I loved the writing so much and the fish obsession was just so funny and you handled that concept so excellently! Great job!

(Also, the name is, indeed, amazing!)

wademcgillis says ...
Sep 14, 2015 @ 6:00pm


A lot of text.


You must sign in to comment.

Mini Submission FAQ

TEAMS: Teams entering the Jam should pick a single representative to submit your game, or create a team specific account you can share. We currently do not support Team Voting, but sharing an account and together playing and rating games is acceptable.

CAN I ENTER BOTH EVENTS?: You should pick 1 event, whichever you think it’ll do better in. If the idea is strong, and everything plays well enough, you can go Compo. If you’re a perfectionist, and would prefer people to play a more polished game, do the Jam. Historically, more games are entered in the Compo, but with more people and more time, Jam games have the potential to be better (that doesn’t mean they are). Many solo participants do enter the Jam.

If you made 2 games, unfortunately, the website doesn’t support multiple submissions per user. To submit your 2nd game, you will have to make a 2nd account. Only do this if you made 2 games. Alternatively, if one game is better than the other, then consider just entering the better game.

CAN I KEEP WORKING UNTIL THE DEADLINE?: Yes! Immediately after the 48 or 72 hours, we do something called Submission Hour. As the name suggests, it’s an extra hour for you to package, upload, and submit your games. If there were catastrophic issues trying submitting your game, or you misunderstood how submissions work, that’s okay. It happens. We’re flexible. If you need advice, check with the folks on IRC. If you need an admin, get in touch.

CAN I KEEP WORKING ON MY GAME?: Oh definitely! You should! But for the sake of judging, keep the Compo or Jam version around. You can include a link to the Post-Compo/Post-Jam version of your game on your games page, but sure your main links are the original version.

PORTS: Ports to other platforms can be done after the deadline. That said, the sooner you finish your port, the sooner people can play your game, improving your chances of placing in the final results. For best results, provide a Web version of your game, or a Windows version with no dependencies. Also be sure to rate at least 20 games to improve your visibility (Coolness).

MY GAME CRASHES, IS UNBEATABLE, OR I MADE A TYPO: We allow you to fix crashes, win condition, or tiny bugs after the deadline. In a sense, this is like “porting” to support more players. We leave this open to interpretation, but generally speaking your game should be identical to the game you submitted. No new features, just fixing mistakes you should have caught had you been better rested.

MY GAME DOESN’T SHOW UP: If you can’t find your game, it’s usually because the URL to your downloads are missing ‘http://‘. Fix your URLs ( and you will show up. Alternatively, if you just posted it, wait a minute. The cache may not have refreshed yet.

NOT LOGGED IN?: If you get a message about not being logged in, even though you are, it’s because your web browser cached the non-logged in page. You can fix this by either refreshing your cache or clearing your cache. CTRL+F5 in many browsers. Chrome is a bit more work. Press F12 to enable Developer Mode, then you can right click on the refresh button and select “Empty Cache and Hard Reload”. This option is unavailable if you are not in Developer Mode.

[cache: storing page]