Ludum Dare 32 — April 17th-20th, 2015 — Theme: An Unconventional Weapon

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99 problems (and a bitch is one)

by nassi - Compo Entry

After hours of fruitless thinking and countless prototypes, I came up with tits. I mean this.

Requires a controller. Sorry.

Your goal is to escape real life and it's problems. That is, naturally, achieved by fondling the tits of your partner, in hopes that her moans of pleasure drive the bad thoughts away. Some of the problems will be harder to drive away than the others.

DPAD or ABXY (or the playstation equivavelent...) selects the lane, right stick fondles right breast, left stick fondles left breast. The rest shouldn't be too hard to figure out. Clicking the sticks does something very useful.

One good ending and an unique bad(?) ending for each of the real life problems.

Didn't have the time, skill nor the will to make music or sfx worthy of this. Just pick some depressing song you like. For example: You probably know where to look for those moan sfxs.

If you don't know what to do with the .love file, visit:

Leave a comment even if you don't have anything to say, that way I'll be able to play your game in return :).

Edit: If your gamepad doesn't work the first time try restarting and complain after that :P. Exact gamepad model might be useful information in tracking the problem down.

Edit2: I think I know what the problem is, but sadly won't be fixing it for this entry. You can still leave a comment if you want me to play your game though :).

Downloads and Links




kyyrma says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:03pm

I feel ashamed for my actions. Also, I can't believe I walked to the other room to get my controller for this.

TobiasNL says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:03pm

Looked like fun but my gamepad din't work. Might consider to do something less risky;)

jojocanard says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:23pm

Haha awesome. I laughed a lot even if it is depressing in the same time. Way too hard for me : death and the illness seems to be indestructible and get me.

nihilaleph says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:39pm

So depressing and fun xp I remember when I played Mario Party and had to keep rotate the stick until my hand burst open kkk.
It's too hard for me too... I can't beat it >.< and now my thumbs hurt.... T_T
Really liked the art! But the 2nd movement of the moonlight sonata is not depressing at all!

Jared Sartin says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:40pm

Hmmm... I feel wrong about playing this. You nailed it for shock factor!

nassi says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:41pm

@kyyrma: So in other words it was an emotional experience that also moved you :P? Quite literally.

@TobiasNL: I'll ask here too: what gamepad did you use? Thanks for the interest!

@jojocanard: Well, death is quite a hassle to drive away (3 hits), but illness shouldn't be too much of a problem (2 hits).

pikmin4000 says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:41pm

tried to play, but it didn't recognize my wireless gamepad, any suggestions?

nassi says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 9:44pm

@nihilaleph: That's among the most common childhood of memories of anyone who owned a Nintendo 64! Thanks for playing.

@Jared Sartin: It was supposed to be comical, but then I added the anime face and got carried away. Here's the original plan:

nassi says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 10:39pm

@pikmin4000: Added an edit to the description. I'll update it with better advice if I figure the problem out.

Dickie says ...
Apr 20, 2015 @ 11:08pm

fucking amazing, I've never laughed at an LD game so hard.

can't for the life of me beat it and took a while to realise what I was doing but yeah awesome themed idea. Real shame I couldn't get my thumbs to cooperate and rotate at the same pace.

would fondle again

gene-z says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:18am

good game,, strange concept,, but good

Tork says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:19am

well this is the most difficult game I have played in a long time XD dual pad circling is hard, still it kept me trying to see more story endings, nice entry!

ChronusZ says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:20am

That was a very... unique experience.

bpleonvong says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 1:55am

I can't believe I needed only a controller and nothing else. Game makes my arms tired.

blaster391 says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:33pm

I feel dirty playing this...
It was fun, took me a few goes to work out the motions I needed to do, but afterwards... I still sucked. I enjoyed it though

Hamsternator says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:38pm

Well... uhm... this is certainly an interesting interpretation of the theme '^^
Realised that I'm not much of a dual wielder.

Chikoness says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:39pm

This... I feel wrong playing this lol, but the concept is pretty good :) I like how simple and powerful the opening is.

kabutakogames says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 12:39pm

Got to be one of the funnier jam games so far

The4thCircle says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 3:21pm

I don't have the requisite hardware for this but I wish I could play it, it looks kind of redonkulous.

The4thCircle says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 4:21pm

Since you asked in my comments, I did a windows build just for you. Knock yourself out.

Hatsome says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 6:18pm

It could have been a little easier for my taste

Awpteamoose says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 6:21pm

Wow, what a game. Couldn't fondle it all the way through, unfortunately.

smbe19 says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 6:29pm

Did anyone actually manage to win this game?
Very interesting idea!

nassi says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 6:52pm

@all: Thanks for the comments! Shouldn't have kept making it harder as I progressed it seems :P.

What is winning after all. Maybe the difficulty is just a metaphore for our lives. Or maybe I just made that up to justify my actions. Oh well, at least there's different bad endings for you to look at :).

Robotic-Brain says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 6:53pm

It didn't recognize my gamepad, so i had to patch it manually.
1. unzip .love file
2. add:
to love.load in main.lua
3. create file called "padmap" and add your mapping data (see:
4. zip up love file (see:

This is exceptionally hard! I was unable to survive more than 1 thing.

nassi says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 6:57pm

@Robotic-Brain: So it was indeed because Löve natively has support only for the most widely used gamepads... Thanks for going the extra length! Next time I'll just make it so that users can bind their own keys if the gamepad isn't regocnized.

duck says ...
Apr 21, 2015 @ 9:46pm

How amusingly depressing haha. I got all the bad endings but am just not coordinated enough to get the good one.

Now, just needs Power Glove compatibility...

Marcellus says ...
Apr 22, 2015 @ 12:12am

My controller doesn't work, yet it's a playstation 2 controler

SmilingCat says ...
Apr 22, 2015 @ 5:22pm

This is by far the raunchiest LD I have seen yet. Very interesting gameplay "mechanics". Great job!

reiknight says ...
Apr 22, 2015 @ 5:26pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What did you smoke guy? I want!!!
I really enjoyed the game, take my like sir!!

PD: Works nice with Xbox gamepad.

Indiestry says ...
Apr 23, 2015 @ 3:31pm

couldnt really figure out what the lane mechanic did but still had a few different endings. Eventhough everything was pretty simple your game still achived some sort of disturbance effect on me :)

nassi says ...
Apr 23, 2015 @ 3:51pm

@duck: Maybe Leap Motion and an Oculus Rift would be more modern ;).

@SmilingCat & @reiknight: Thank you for your kinds words :3.

@Indiestry: Just select a lane with the DPAD or ABXY keys of your gamepad and then start doing the ol' titty tornado. The moans will come out in the lane that you have selected. That's really all there is to it.

Sublustris says ...
Apr 23, 2015 @ 7:31pm

5 for fun :)

josefnpat says ...
Apr 24, 2015 @ 1:13am

Crazy depressing game. Fantastic game man, worked nicely on linux with a wired xbox 360 controller.

Indiestry says ...
Apr 24, 2015 @ 12:03pm

I didnt understand the symbols on the lanes (the bar, the family etc.), I thought it was something like rythm game. Do the lanes have any influence on which ending comes up?

nassi says ...
Apr 24, 2015 @ 12:51pm

@Indiestry: The symbols represent the bad thoughts and problems of the protagonist, so it's just about making them disappear before they get to you. The ending depends entirely on which problem gets you, so the lanes are irrelevant. Thanks for the reply, I can now see that I should've probably explained it better to begin with.

abcdef65g says ...
Apr 25, 2015 @ 4:13pm

This game was quite effective. One would think I would end up just thinking about *that* while playing, yet I caught myself laughing and thinking about life's problems. An amazingly dificult experience but really a game to get you thinking. And about more than tits as well!

morbidcamel says ...
Apr 25, 2015 @ 5:34pm

It's funny.

Trasevol_Dog says ...
Apr 25, 2015 @ 8:33pm

I want to play this game but my Thrustmaster gamepad isn't recognized >< !! Does anyone have a simpler solution than Robotic-Brain's ?

akios says ...
Apr 26, 2015 @ 4:10pm

nice take on concept, it lacks some audio, but still awesome, art isn't bad either, i saw all the endings,
nice work.

May 1, 2015 @ 4:10pm

Definitely a unique entry and the way you incorporated the gamepad sticks was really clever.

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