December 13th-16th 2013 :: Theme: You Only Get One

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An ordinary story about death

by irma vep - Jam Entry

This is a personal story about my father's last day.
Written by Stephanie Juergensen.
Built with Twine, with some help of Lou Ulakovic.

Downloads and Links




Dec 17, 2013 @ 9:01pm

"so the soul can fly out", what a beautiful thing to say, though i imagine it can come of as insensitive to some.

i like your style and writing, how you're not overly sentimental or dwell on details or use too many descriptions, but instead let each page be a small picture and let me speculate on the other things. really touching story.

one thing though: the choice, it's not clear what it is that you're referring to with the yes/no-answer, "go or not go?" would perhaps work better.

JaymeeMak says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 8:06am

I agree with kristoffer zetterberg - when choosing whether or not to go to work, it wasn't clear what 'yes/no' entailed.

irma vep says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 8:11am

Thanks for checking my game out.
It's my very first entry at ludum dare, so I appreciate your suggestion. :)

havana24 says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 8:41am

Nice writing skill. ;)
Maybe a background music could improve the mood of the game!
I also agree with kristoffer zetterberg about the yes/no choice.

lilinx says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 9:04am

Wait...this is great. Not even sure what I found in it was intentionnaly put there. I will come back and read it over again. Whatever your LD ratings might be in the end, please know you achieved something with this game.

It says "“Shit“" on Monday 16:07 after "letting yourself be sent out by the nurse". If this is a typo I think it's ok to correct it now. If it's intentional, nevermind.
I also think the yes/no is a little confusing. I thought I had to answer the question : "difficult?".

lilinx says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 9:06am

Actually the typo is not exactly as written above, because it has be re-encoded when copy/pasted here, but you get the idea : strange characters.

irma vep says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 2:03pm

Ilinx, you're right - it's a typo fault, which doesn't show on my computer. And the music: we tried to link one end with my father's favourite song. But it seems that it fails. Embarrassed,
(But thank you for playing it! :))

irma vep says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 9:20pm

so I cleared a few faults now, one unclear phrase and the link with the intended song. Hope, the jam rules allow these corrections.
Thanks for your suggestions

whiteknife says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 10:06pm

Well-told, although I thought that some of the choices were unclear and the medium of the interactive narrative could have been utilized better. That said, it's a powerful tale and you really get the sense of emotion from it. The song was a very nice touch too. Overall, very well done, and thanks for sharing this with us.

jacklehamster says ...
Dec 19, 2013 @ 10:43pm

Quite touching. I noticed there was less choices towards the end, but it's not a big deal.

Zerkruemler says ...
Dec 20, 2013 @ 12:02pm

Good writing. I was i a similar situation some years ago and I think you got the spirit of the situation very well.

Good work nicely implemented.

PaperBlurt says ...
Dec 20, 2013 @ 4:28pm

Nice style and writing.
Looking forward to seeing more stuff from you..

Dec 22, 2013 @ 6:38pm

Not sure how to rate something so personal.

The Twine text looks very good. The writing is very simple, but this is a story where flashy stylistics would be out of place. Some beautiful phrases.


irma vep says ...
Dec 23, 2013 @ 6:10pm

Thank You :)

Dec 25, 2013 @ 4:39pm

I am sorry about your fathers death. Great story thought... I included it in my Ludum Dare compilation video series, if you'd like to take a look :)

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