I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while now, but I’ve decided I have to man up and make it. You see, I recently realized that the reason I’ve been failing as a game developer is that I haven’t been being true to myself. At all. And I need to apologize for that. I’ve been being someone that I’m not around here and in my games.
As soon as I started wanting to make games, my dream was essentially to make a game that expressed who I was. That was all to do. I’ve seen so much good that indie games can do, breathing every fiber of the developer through the work. That was what I wanted to do. But it wasn’t what I did. No, the two game attempts and the one game I made while I’ve been here have been complete ripoffs of other people’s style. I was thinking all through making them, “I’ve got to make this game cool. So people like it.” And that’s how I failed. Not only in how I failed in the substance of the game, because even if they were all huge successes, they wouldn’t have satisfied me. Empty was just, in my head, a game I thought someone like Jonathan Whiting would make, and I tried to go off that. Not in the art style too much, but in the substance. I was never making anything from my own mind, something I could work over and call my own. And that has hurt me.
Not to mention my posts on the site. If you look down my profile, all you’re basically reading press releases. Do I ever say anything besides updates on a game I’m fumbling through the creation of? Not at all. It’s just stuff to post so I can pretend I’m active in the community, when I’m really not. Maybe my press updater side is. And then there’s the occasional rambling about where I see myself in the coming days with an over-dramatic air. (This post doesn’t have that feel, does it? Because I’m trying to focus on writing like a human being and not a propaganda agent.) So, in this area, I’m going to try to be more real. Maybe go on IRC more. I mean, I still haven’t really accomplished my secondary “make friends here” goal.
So, this is all what the Dare theme taught me. In my case, to “Dare to be Unique” is just to be my actual, true self around people. Which is why I truly am under the belief that Cell has created the greatest idea for a theme ever.
Now for some updates. Which, of course, I can’t just not make, but you know, I’ll try and do more stuff true to myself stuff to balance it out. I’ve decided that I need to bring in a partner for this one. I want to make this game something I can be be truly proud of, but I need someone to help me balance me out and develop my ideas. And with that, I’d like to introduce the community my best friend and other member of my new two man devteam, a man who prefers to refer to himself as Wonckay24. (I feel like I should try and convince him to take the numbers off the end, but whatever he prefers.) He’s going to be making his own account very soon. He can’t program, but he’s a major creative asset, as he’s excellent with writing and music, but he’s never worked his talents into a game before. He’s also often keeping me on the ground with his trademark cynicism. You’ll all have to get used to that. I’m hoping we can put together something great.
I’m going to be trying to post a lot more. And so will Wonckay, I hope. I’ll also try to get a blog running soon.